just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
