I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
