ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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