Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
