I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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