She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
