yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
