SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish i was in the wii world.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
