Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
