I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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