Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
