Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
