feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
