He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
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I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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