she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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