I just saw a hot homeless man
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
