I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
