drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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