Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
