I could make wine with my vomit
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
