like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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