Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
