I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
