Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
