i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
