What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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