i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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