Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
