oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
