you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
