i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
