On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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