.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
