Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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