Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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