So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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