this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
