Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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