oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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