i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
