You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
