If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
