he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
