After last night, I could never be a politician.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Brb crying the tears of my youth
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
