wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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