she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
