here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
