hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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