I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
