don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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