how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
