I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
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She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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