dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
