I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
