Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
