I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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