We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
