She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
