I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
