you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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