Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
