hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
