I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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