she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
