Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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