yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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