i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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