i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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