You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
