I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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