Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
