ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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