I heard we made out
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i think my cat just said my name.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
