Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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