He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
