I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
