that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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