Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So vagazzling was a success
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