It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
