I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
