I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
