i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
