life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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