i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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