I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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