Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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