when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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