stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How naked do you want me to be?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
