Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We got so high we made milksteak
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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